Mother's Day 2016

It has been so long since I updated this but I feel the need to record this.

Mother's Day

For many years this was the worst day of the year!! I mean so many tears, anger, feelings of failure, thoughts of no self value or place in church on this day. Who was I? I was NOT a mom!! I was never going to be a mom! I longed to have a child and be a mom. I had tried and failed many times. It was easier to stay home then be reminded of the pain it caused me. I thought maybe my faith was not strong enough or maybe I had not prayed enough. Was I broken? Yes, I had issues. I worked on ways to heal my broken heart and spirit regarding never being a mom. We looked into adoption but that was not going to happen with Phillip's Autism and our income. The medicine never NEVER never worked. I was told to have a hysterectomy then lost my insurance before and it had to be canceled.

Fast Forward: 2016

We have 2 count them 2 girls!!!! (and one angel baby)
I will do a separate post about Athena's arrival and her time in the nicu at a later date.

This past Sunday was Mother's Day. I was sick and so were the girls. We did not make it to church. BUT this time it was not out of fear or pain. I was not dreading going to church. I had my miracle babies. I was also grateful to know this would be my family and that I would be ok. I would not have to leave in tears or have a complete breakdown. How could this be? How can I be a mom? I am surprised every day. So after Anna was born Mother's Day was better. I was thankful. Then the next Mother's Day I was a total mess with just having had a miscarriage. And last year I was pregnant with Athena and very very sick. I really just tried not to think about it. This year I thought about it a lot. I was going to be ok during church. Then we got sick. I am sure Heavenly Father might have laughed a little.

I had some time to think about the importance of Mother's Day. The pain was gone for me!!! Then I remembered my friends that were experiencing sadness and pain. I said a prayer and lifted their names up. I wanted to always remember the pain so I could be a better friend. It is fading away for me. How blessed I am. So many prayers answered with my girls. I was able to be healed. I was well on my way long before I had Anna. I thought the plan for my life was just to be a wife, aunt, teacher, friend, and babysitter. I decided to do my best at those! I was still a child of God. Any anxiousness I felt this year was for others. I was not prepared for this. I was surprised. I was given two of the best gifts ever and they call me/will call me mommy. Was it worth all the pain from my past, yes!!! YES IT IS WORTH IT!!! IT WAS SO HARD!

I will be trying to soak up all the time I can with my girls. I prayed for this. I don't want to ever get too busy and forget my miracles.  

I AM A MOM!!

My lifelong journey.

OK so it has been a long time since I wrote and I am sorry. Life has just been so crazy for me. 

So current weight is 350, yes! 350 I see it over and over each day I get on the scale. 

I have been having some health issues and I am no longer able to exercise per doctors orders, which sucks. We are trying to save/find enough money to get the cardiac evaluation and stress test done. I have had two doctors tell me that if I want to improve my health I am going to need help. I will not be able to do this on my own and they suggested I file for disability so I can get the needed medical attention I stand in need of. The main thing going on is I need to be on oxygen when I sleep or exercise and these nasty migraines. YES! Migraines they just massive and in October one put me in the hospital for 6 days. I had a headache more days than not in October.  There are a few other things but those are the main ones bugging me right now. I am used to the everyday pain of my Fibromyalgia after dealing with it for the last 15 years.

So I am working on my food addiction and will be returning to the addiction recovery group meeting starting this Friday. I am really excited to go back. I have not been since Anna was just a few weeks old. I have also given up my caffeine diet sodas so not only will I be continuing to work on my food addiction but will be working on the caffeine DIET soda addiction as well.

I am trying not to over eat and eat more healthy. It seems I will be fighting this my entire life. Little by little. 

I sucked every calorie possible out of this apple!

Fatty Fatty 2 by 4 you're too FAT to be normal!

Really? I am so tired of people thinking that just because I am fat that I must be lazy. I am too fat to be a good mom, babysitter, and even a human being! Why must others judge "out loud" (Facebook, email, text) like I don't even have feelings.

I was in the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade when we lived in Chicago and I wanted my own paper route. My mom had to sign a special paper so I would be allowed to do this(youngest kid ever). I went in ice, snow, and hot summers too. At 14 I got a job at the BBQ restaurant just up the street from where we lived so I could walk to and from work. Then at 16 when I could drive I got a job at a pizza place further away because it paid more. I have always had a job and I have always worked hard and tried to do my very best.

So for someone to say to me that I can't be hungry or poor because I am fat really upsets me. I worked until I had a high risk pregnancy and I worked most of that time. Then spent over a month in the hospital. This was not planned. We have been told for years we would not be able to have children. We were given a miracle and I would never ever change that.  So when you start to insult people without knowing the facts based on me being fat maybe you should 1st stop and say I wonder how Heavenly Father sees that person. Maybe they have been ill, maybe that have a eating disorder, maybe they are poor and are living off Ramen Noodles which are very high in fat.

This holiday season and everyday after we all should look at each other differently. Yes it was hard to find a job after having Anna. Do I wish I never had her, NEVER! She has been the best thing ever. Do I wish we could live without food stamps? Yes, but right now that is how we are eating. Will this last forever, no. This is not my long term goal. But for anyone to say I am on food stamps because I am fat and lazy well they just don't know me. It is hard to find a job right after having a baby and then also having a husband who has Aspergers which is a form of Autism who sometimes has panic attacks and gets afraid when he is alone. We are doing what we can. I applied to over 200 jobs. I was told more than once I was too fat to be a good nanny. I am working now, but it is no where enough to cover our modest bills. Yes, I do have an iPhone but it is old and my last job paid half of it for me after their child put my old phone in the toilet. We don't even have phone service on it.

Things are not always what they seem.

Let's ALL work on seeing others differently.

Scale of fear.

The thing I am most afraid of in my home is my scale. So why do I insist on getting on at least once a day?

Well this is why. I was told to stop weighing myself when I had a visit to the doctor(I was up 6 pounds at this point after losing ALL my baby weight) and he asked me how many times I weigh myself and I said at least once and sometimes 3 or 4. He talked to me about being obsessed with my weight and he said it was not good for my mental health. We went on to talk about the foods I was eating and he gave me a plan and this plan included some medicine to help me be in better control of what I eat.

Well fast forward about a month and the next time I got my scale out it said 350 when I stepped on it. UGH!

I NEED MY SCALE! Who cares if I get on it everyday???? If the scale ends up being my friend in place of cakes, cookies, pies, doughnuts, and anything else you can think of what does that hurt? So should I keep being fearful of my scale I say, " NO WAY" I have a very long way to go before I think it could become dangerous.

New Favorite Food

Greek Salad.

It is always so expensive to order in a restaurant and I miss my
cucumbers. So I have been making my own and thanks the Publix BOGO on
salad mix and fat free feta it has been very affordable too! I also
found this low calorie dressing that taste yummy.

Total calories in my salad: 181
2 cups lettuce, 5 grape tomatoes, 1 cup cucumber, 8 large olives, 1 oz
fat free feta, and 2 Tbs dressing

Trying My Fitness Pal

I really love Weight Watchers but with no income that is just an unrealistic dream. So awhile back my friends told me about My Fitness Pal so I tried it this week. It is free and works a lot like Weight Watchers but works with calories and not points. So far I have found it easy to use.

*Before I got pregnant I had lost from 375 pounds down to 330. (less than when I got married)
*The day I had Anna I weighed 352.
*At my 6 week check up I was back down to 330. I was so excited!
*Last week I was back up to 350 :( "Really I worked really hard to loose that baby weight only to gain it back, ugh!"
*This week when I started My Fitness Pal I was at 345. (in the morning, because if I weigh at night it is always more)

I have so much to live for and I know the changes I need to make. I have failed many times at loosing weight. So you would think I would be a pro now? NOT, it is H*A*R*D every single day sometimes every minute. Even this week when the calorie counter was down to a big fat 0 I was thinking I was still hungry.

The main lesson I have learned this week and that is new to me, is...I WILL BE HUNGRY! Being hungry for me is not something I feel in my tummy like most people. I feel it in my mind. Really, I promise I can be full and see a commercial on TV for something, anything it can be peanut butter and  my mind is like ooohhh that sounds good go get some. So I am going to be hungry on my journey. Not hungry as in my body needs something to live and be strong and healthy but hungry as in what my mind thinks it needs. Working on it...

Baby oh Baby!

This is a copy of the letter we shared the day Anna was blessed.

Dearest friends and family,

Thank you so much for being here today as we bless and name Anna. This has been a long journey that we thought would never be happening to us. We were married April 10, 2004 and we were told many times we would not be able to have our own children. We grieved this idea of not having children for years. We were ok with this plan if this is what the Lord wanted us to endure. We were blessed to be able to work with children at church and Jeannie was able to be a nanny. We decided to be the best teachers, and Aunt & Uncle we could be. We did what we could to serve the Lord and those whom we came in contact with. We decided it would be fun to have Birthday Parties and Christmas mornings in our home for the missionaries who were serving in our ward. This all helped heal our hearts. We found out that Phillip has Autism and adoption would be really hard for us because of that as well as our financial situation.  Last year in July we were blessed to find our home and we moved to Lawrenceville. This was a huge for us and we were so happy! We even made a kid room for those kids who have a spot in our hearts and Jeannie needed space for all those toys she had been saving for work. In Oct. we went to the ward Halloween party and it was great and there were so many cute kids there. Jeannie just broke down in tears after many years with being ok without kids but for some reason she could not stop crying and we had to leave and go home. The next weekend we had our friends and family over to our open house. We were still amazed this house was ours. A few days later my doctor called and told me he thought I might have cancer and I need to see the Oncologist/ Hematologist. I had not been feeling well and my blood work was abnormal. So my mom came down to go with us to the doctor in case I did have cancer. The nurse had called and said please take a pregnancy test the night before just to make for sure I was not pregnant. GUESS WHAT??? It was positive and we were having a baby. It was amazing Jeannie’s mom was here when we found out. She did NOT have cancer!!!! And today we have Anna Christine Childs. We have much to be thankful for.  Phillip and Jeannie

Photo Book

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My Birthday Party

From July!

Granny Sain's 80th Birthday

This is most of my family together at my Granny's birthday party!

My Granny helped raise me. I lived with her some off and on throughout
my life. She has taught me so much. She always made me feel special,
supported, and loved. She helped me with a few hard break ups just
being there and sitting up late at night playing Scrabble. She assured
me Heavenly Father had some one else for me. I am glad I listened I
now have Phillip! I love her!

Fireplace for Fall

I found a few fall decorations and think they look great on the fireplace!

It been awhile...

We finally got moved to our new house. We have had a water pipe bust and the discovery of mold. Thankfully it was all coved by the insurance company. The kitchen and guest bathroom were finally finished this week. I enjoy living here and finding much joy in these cooler days just sitting on the porch reading.  Also, I now have a piano and again I am taking lessons. Slow and steady wins the race. I will post pictures soon.

Things are pretty much normal Phillip got something in his foot last week and we sent over 12 hours in the Grady ER to stop the bleeding and get him on some much needed antibiotics. Phillip indeed is on the Autism Spectrum with having Asperger Syndrome. I feel bad it has taken so long to find this out but it explains a lot of his past and his special quirks. We know now and life has been going more smooth as we learn how best to handle issues that arise.

I have been sticking to the Gluten Free Diet and benefiting much from it. I have had less pain and much less stomach issues. I guess I should have listen to my Dr. way back in 1999! As far as my weight loss goes I have been at a standstill since reaching 330-335. I have an appointment with a Bariatric specialist in Dec. The most consistent thing about Grady is the wait. Not having insurance is a real pain. 

I made a new friend this week who asked me to walk with her a few times a week and I am so excited both for the friend and the chance to have someone to walk with! It is a lot easier when I walk with Phillip to back out doing any exercise. All my Doctors keep saying I need to reduce my stress…ugh! They say it like it is so easy? I am blessed to have friends that know more than me and are willing to share: yoga, meditation, and walking!!!!  

Hula Hoop Princess

This is my cousins daughter they are here for my birthday weekend and she is awesome!

a little update: Weight Watchers and Hair

When I started this journey I was able to afford Weight Watchers but right now this is not an option for our budget so I am using the tools they taught me and I will be going back ASAP. I also hate long hair so I was going to not cut my hair until my 100 pound goal well most of you know things beyond my control happened and I had to cut my hair. New goal for when I hit 100 pounds gone is a really nice beach trip and some new clothes.

This should be our LAST move for a very long time!

Just a little of what is going on in the Childs' home. We found out we got our house and we are so excited! Then the few days that followed were NOT FUN. I ended up in the Grady ER at 1 pm on the 4th of July and was having surgery the next morning. I am doing better now and can focus on the move.

This weekend is my Birthday and we have family and friends coming into town to us celebrate!!!!! Hope they don't mind the boxes(I am so thankful post its have so many colors now it has really helped me color code all our boxes) and eating on paper/plastic dishes... I will update more on both the new house and the Birthday next week!


We got this house... yes, it came back on the market and we won this time!!!!

scattered, covered, smothered and chunk'd

I had to cut my hair before I reached my goal! Gasp I know. Why? Two reasons: 1^st Addie and Tyler shared their LICE with me (not nice of them right?) 2^nd I was getting migraine headaches a lot (3 times one week) I asked the doctor if there was something  I could do and she said cut your hair. See I had a doctor’s note to cut my hair, hehe! I am also happy to say we are all lice free.

As for my weight you ask? I am just flying in a holding pattern. We are still looking for a house and I am praying we find the right one soon and I can get back on a schedule that will work better for me. I thrive on a schedule and routine. When this is interrupted I feel scattered, covered, smothered and chunk'd! (Waffle House anyone?) So the number one house on our list today is pictured below and it is NOT a foreclosure!

UPDATE: The house went under contract this morning before we even got to see it:( So here we go looking again!

Ok so now that my hair is cut ever so short I need a new goal, any ideas? 

House, Wheat, Camping, and Bags

It has been 3 weeks since I have blogged! The day after my last post we found out we did not get the 1st house we wanted and had bid on. So we have been looking and have found an even better home (pictured above) than the 1^st. We placed a bid the following day after we found out we lost the 1^st house. So it has been a long wait to see if the bank will accept our bid. We have offered the full asking price and to pay all closing cost. Phillip and I fasted last Sunday to know from Heavenly Father if this is where he wants us. We spent a few hours around the house last Sunday. We prayed in the drive way, located the local stores, and just tried to know if this was right for us. We were sure we would have found something out last week!! NO SUCH LUCK! Honestly, I am so stressed about all this waiting I am in physical pain. Today I even had a migraine headache and had to miss church. I love church and I really enjoy teaching Sunday School.

I have a doctor’s visit tomorrow afternoon to see if there might be something else going on and to check on my new medicine. She also wants to see how I am doing without wheat. This has been one of the worst food allergies for me. It makes us plan more meals at home and pack lunches. So it has been kinda hard with us being so busy. So if you have any recipes that are wheat/gluten free and would like to share with me that would awesome. I never realized how much food contains wheat!  So the issues I had with the wheat in my diet have improved 100%. I am sure when we know we have a house to move my stress will decrease and so will my pain. (if you don’t know already I have fibromyalgia)

A couple of weeks ago we were so busy with the house hunting we had to cancel our week long trip to the beach and just went camping in Forsyth Ga for a weekend. It is near the place where they filmed the movie “Fried Green Tomatoes”! We even were able to eat at the Whistle Stop Café. They had good BBQ. We had so much fun. We roasted marshmallows and enjoyed the fire.

I have also decided that I love bags so much that I should try and make a few bucks by selling Thirty-One Gifts. So now you can just call me your personal bag lady. They have a great special this month. (see picture) The company offers great hostess products and who does not need a bag for church, school, beach, pool, and kids! So let me know if you want more information. I can even travel to your home if you want to have a get together. (aka a reason to visit with you and get a new bag to boot) Plus, with Phillip not able to work we can really use the an extra few bucks and bags.

Coming soon an update on my weight loss and the issues I am having with my hair!

What a crazy twisting turning out of control few weeks!

As far as my weight loss goes it has been slow going but still going down all but this week I am sure I have gained. For some reason I just can’t seem to get full! UGH! I still love Weight Watchers and the YMCA it just seems I have been making excuses as to why I “don’t have time”(cough, cough) So enough is enough and tomorrow is a new day. I am looking forward to Summer Time adventures and activities that will have me moving and having FUN in the HOT ATLANTA SUN!

All my tests came back normal, NO CANCER, Yahoo!  I was referred to see someone who might be able to help me with infertile issues but I can’t seem to even be able to schedule an appointment with them???? It is very odd when I call Grady they act like they have no idea what I am talking about. I guess I will have to make a trip down there in person. My regular MD suggested I wait till after summer when I should weigh less. She wants me to be under 300 before I go. So this is my new goal!!!! Dr. Li said that after I drop the weight and after Phil’s test get back and there is no issues on his side she thinks getting pregnant will be much easier!  DO I NEED ANOTHER REASON TO MOVE? NO WAY!

We have enough money to finally get a house and we have placed a bid on it. It has been two weeks and we found out they did not have the title cleared. We have decided to give them two more weeks to see if they can work it out. We pray after all this waiting we will be blessed with our house! If it does not work out in our favor we will know it just was not ment to be and we will keep looking. (see picture of said house above)

With this house hunting and waiting we have had to cancel our beach trip at the end of the month. We will be making a trip to the beach before the end of 2012, I PROMISE MYSELF!

I have been teaching one of the adult Sunday school classes at church. I am surprised by how much I enjoy it!  I really have enjoyed teaching children in the past and I had no idea it would be as much fun to teach adults! I am also really blessed by those who attend the class and contribute.  I pray that I can continue to pray, study, and prepare in a way that would be pleasing to our Heavenly Father.

Low fat yummy cake!

Thanks Momma! I love you.