Mother's Day 2016

It has been so long since I updated this but I feel the need to record this.

Mother's Day

For many years this was the worst day of the year!! I mean so many tears, anger, feelings of failure, thoughts of no self value or place in church on this day. Who was I? I was NOT a mom!! I was never going to be a mom! I longed to have a child and be a mom. I had tried and failed many times. It was easier to stay home then be reminded of the pain it caused me. I thought maybe my faith was not strong enough or maybe I had not prayed enough. Was I broken? Yes, I had issues. I worked on ways to heal my broken heart and spirit regarding never being a mom. We looked into adoption but that was not going to happen with Phillip's Autism and our income. The medicine never NEVER never worked. I was told to have a hysterectomy then lost my insurance before and it had to be canceled.

Fast Forward: 2016

We have 2 count them 2 girls!!!! (and one angel baby)
I will do a separate post about Athena's arrival and her time in the nicu at a later date.

This past Sunday was Mother's Day. I was sick and so were the girls. We did not make it to church. BUT this time it was not out of fear or pain. I was not dreading going to church. I had my miracle babies. I was also grateful to know this would be my family and that I would be ok. I would not have to leave in tears or have a complete breakdown. How could this be? How can I be a mom? I am surprised every day. So after Anna was born Mother's Day was better. I was thankful. Then the next Mother's Day I was a total mess with just having had a miscarriage. And last year I was pregnant with Athena and very very sick. I really just tried not to think about it. This year I thought about it a lot. I was going to be ok during church. Then we got sick. I am sure Heavenly Father might have laughed a little.

I had some time to think about the importance of Mother's Day. The pain was gone for me!!! Then I remembered my friends that were experiencing sadness and pain. I said a prayer and lifted their names up. I wanted to always remember the pain so I could be a better friend. It is fading away for me. How blessed I am. So many prayers answered with my girls. I was able to be healed. I was well on my way long before I had Anna. I thought the plan for my life was just to be a wife, aunt, teacher, friend, and babysitter. I decided to do my best at those! I was still a child of God. Any anxiousness I felt this year was for others. I was not prepared for this. I was surprised. I was given two of the best gifts ever and they call me/will call me mommy. Was it worth all the pain from my past, yes!!! YES IT IS WORTH IT!!! IT WAS SO HARD!

I will be trying to soak up all the time I can with my girls. I prayed for this. I don't want to ever get too busy and forget my miracles.  

I AM A MOM!!