Fatty Fatty 2 by 4 you're too FAT to be normal!

Really? I am so tired of people thinking that just because I am fat that I must be lazy. I am too fat to be a good mom, babysitter, and even a human being! Why must others judge "out loud" (Facebook, email, text) like I don't even have feelings.

I was in the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade when we lived in Chicago and I wanted my own paper route. My mom had to sign a special paper so I would be allowed to do this(youngest kid ever). I went in ice, snow, and hot summers too. At 14 I got a job at the BBQ restaurant just up the street from where we lived so I could walk to and from work. Then at 16 when I could drive I got a job at a pizza place further away because it paid more. I have always had a job and I have always worked hard and tried to do my very best.

So for someone to say to me that I can't be hungry or poor because I am fat really upsets me. I worked until I had a high risk pregnancy and I worked most of that time. Then spent over a month in the hospital. This was not planned. We have been told for years we would not be able to have children. We were given a miracle and I would never ever change that.  So when you start to insult people without knowing the facts based on me being fat maybe you should 1st stop and say I wonder how Heavenly Father sees that person. Maybe they have been ill, maybe that have a eating disorder, maybe they are poor and are living off Ramen Noodles which are very high in fat.

This holiday season and everyday after we all should look at each other differently. Yes it was hard to find a job after having Anna. Do I wish I never had her, NEVER! She has been the best thing ever. Do I wish we could live without food stamps? Yes, but right now that is how we are eating. Will this last forever, no. This is not my long term goal. But for anyone to say I am on food stamps because I am fat and lazy well they just don't know me. It is hard to find a job right after having a baby and then also having a husband who has Aspergers which is a form of Autism who sometimes has panic attacks and gets afraid when he is alone. We are doing what we can. I applied to over 200 jobs. I was told more than once I was too fat to be a good nanny. I am working now, but it is no where enough to cover our modest bills. Yes, I do have an iPhone but it is old and my last job paid half of it for me after their child put my old phone in the toilet. We don't even have phone service on it.

Things are not always what they seem.

Let's ALL work on seeing others differently.

Scale of fear.

The thing I am most afraid of in my home is my scale. So why do I insist on getting on at least once a day?

Well this is why. I was told to stop weighing myself when I had a visit to the doctor(I was up 6 pounds at this point after losing ALL my baby weight) and he asked me how many times I weigh myself and I said at least once and sometimes 3 or 4. He talked to me about being obsessed with my weight and he said it was not good for my mental health. We went on to talk about the foods I was eating and he gave me a plan and this plan included some medicine to help me be in better control of what I eat.

Well fast forward about a month and the next time I got my scale out it said 350 when I stepped on it. UGH!

I NEED MY SCALE! Who cares if I get on it everyday???? If the scale ends up being my friend in place of cakes, cookies, pies, doughnuts, and anything else you can think of what does that hurt? So should I keep being fearful of my scale I say, " NO WAY" I have a very long way to go before I think it could become dangerous.

New Favorite Food

Greek Salad.

It is always so expensive to order in a restaurant and I miss my
cucumbers. So I have been making my own and thanks the Publix BOGO on
salad mix and fat free feta it has been very affordable too! I also
found this low calorie dressing that taste yummy.

Total calories in my salad: 181
2 cups lettuce, 5 grape tomatoes, 1 cup cucumber, 8 large olives, 1 oz
fat free feta, and 2 Tbs dressing

Trying My Fitness Pal

I really love Weight Watchers but with no income that is just an unrealistic dream. So awhile back my friends told me about My Fitness Pal so I tried it this week. It is free and works a lot like Weight Watchers but works with calories and not points. So far I have found it easy to use.

*Before I got pregnant I had lost from 375 pounds down to 330. (less than when I got married)
*The day I had Anna I weighed 352.
*At my 6 week check up I was back down to 330. I was so excited!
*Last week I was back up to 350 :( "Really I worked really hard to loose that baby weight only to gain it back, ugh!"
*This week when I started My Fitness Pal I was at 345. (in the morning, because if I weigh at night it is always more)

I have so much to live for and I know the changes I need to make. I have failed many times at loosing weight. So you would think I would be a pro now? NOT, it is H*A*R*D every single day sometimes every minute. Even this week when the calorie counter was down to a big fat 0 I was thinking I was still hungry.

The main lesson I have learned this week and that is new to me, is...I WILL BE HUNGRY! Being hungry for me is not something I feel in my tummy like most people. I feel it in my mind. Really, I promise I can be full and see a commercial on TV for something, anything it can be peanut butter and  my mind is like ooohhh that sounds good go get some. So I am going to be hungry on my journey. Not hungry as in my body needs something to live and be strong and healthy but hungry as in what my mind thinks it needs. Working on it...

Baby oh Baby!

This is a copy of the letter we shared the day Anna was blessed.

Dearest friends and family,

Thank you so much for being here today as we bless and name Anna. This has been a long journey that we thought would never be happening to us. We were married April 10, 2004 and we were told many times we would not be able to have our own children. We grieved this idea of not having children for years. We were ok with this plan if this is what the Lord wanted us to endure. We were blessed to be able to work with children at church and Jeannie was able to be a nanny. We decided to be the best teachers, and Aunt & Uncle we could be. We did what we could to serve the Lord and those whom we came in contact with. We decided it would be fun to have Birthday Parties and Christmas mornings in our home for the missionaries who were serving in our ward. This all helped heal our hearts. We found out that Phillip has Autism and adoption would be really hard for us because of that as well as our financial situation.  Last year in July we were blessed to find our home and we moved to Lawrenceville. This was a huge for us and we were so happy! We even made a kid room for those kids who have a spot in our hearts and Jeannie needed space for all those toys she had been saving for work. In Oct. we went to the ward Halloween party and it was great and there were so many cute kids there. Jeannie just broke down in tears after many years with being ok without kids but for some reason she could not stop crying and we had to leave and go home. The next weekend we had our friends and family over to our open house. We were still amazed this house was ours. A few days later my doctor called and told me he thought I might have cancer and I need to see the Oncologist/ Hematologist. I had not been feeling well and my blood work was abnormal. So my mom came down to go with us to the doctor in case I did have cancer. The nurse had called and said please take a pregnancy test the night before just to make for sure I was not pregnant. GUESS WHAT??? It was positive and we were having a baby. It was amazing Jeannie’s mom was here when we found out. She did NOT have cancer!!!! And today we have Anna Christine Childs. We have much to be thankful for.  Phillip and Jeannie

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