Isolation and Transformation

Isolation

I often find myself in self imposed isolation (my comfort zone). When I go out in public I just want to hurry and get it over with. Mostly all I could think about was hiding. I am afraid of what others might say. I.e.… while having dinner out with Phillip one day I just kept thinking I am already fat might as well eat whatever way I want. I am comfortable in my house and in my chair. I like going to the same places and seeing the same people. I am different than I was 10 years ago. I used to love to travel and now I wonder if I need to buy 2 seats to ride home to NC on Amtrack because I am so heavy. I can dress in my PJ’s and no one besides my close friends and family even notice. On the weekends(I struggle the most) I have to make myself leave the house and do something active. It is so much easier to just stay home, rest, clean or watch TV!!!!!! Isolation is confinement to not changing. If I do not keep making lifestyle changes then I will keep being isolated and I see that it can only get worse.

I must change and not be afraid. I have had small children look and point saying “look at that lady so is fat”, “why are you so fat?” While in 7^th grade on the bus ride home a girl had a lighter and tried to set my hair on fire! She said “you are so fat you are not worth the space you take up”. I have often heard from adults “it is so easy to lose weight all you have to do is……”! I have heard lots of hurtful things over the years and 9 out of 10 times it would just make me eat even more. I can NOT understand why others think it is right to bully anyone? I am human I have feelings.

I must shop online for clothes that fit or at expensive large woman’s store. This really sucks!!! And it is really expensive. I dream of the day I can shop at a thrift store and they have clothes my size. No more isolation shoppingJ

Transformation

My eating habits have transformed the most over the last few months. We went from eating out fast food at least once a day off the dollar menu of course. Now I am planning dinners and buying fruits and vegetables. My old go to foods were: Little Debbies, Cake, Cookies, Candy and Brownies. My new go to foods are: Blackberries, Bananas, Cucumbers, and boiled eggs!

BOOT CAMP WORK OUT in the AM wish me luck!

The Drive Thru Nativity

I love this every year. It just reminds of the true reason we celebrate Christmas. At the end they have this quote. Christ is not in the manger today, He is not on the cross today, He is not in the tomb today, He lives!

I know He loves me and He gives me strength to overcome my food addiction. One day at a time I am learning to depend on Christ. In my 12 step program I am coming closer to Him.

A new reward system;)

I am learning how to reward myself without food?!?!

Trust me when I say this, a reward without food, really, it can't be done! I did it, it CAN BE DONE. I found one reward in the candle. With my Asthma I have a had trouble finding scented candles that don't take my breath away. This weekend I found this one and it was 50% off! I have enjoyed this candle this weekend. With all our Christmas decorations out in our house it was just a wonderful addition.

Love this and it only cost me one point for 2 tablespoons!

This is so tasty and only one WW point! Veggies and dip. This makes eating veggies so worth it!

Date Night!

My delish low points dinner out:)

Phillip and I had such a fun date night! Our waitress rocked it. I never really liked butter anyways so that is not such a big deal me. Our waitress was so wonderful, we asked that she not bring any bread and she said how great it was was we were eating healthy. She said she would double check and make sure they do not put butter in anything. (I often wonder when eating out in public what people think...look at that fat lady why is she even trying...who is she kidding she is just going to go home and eat...she must be a closet eater...) Why do I even care and I am realizing people who think that are not very nice and most people don't even care what I am eating they are busy minding their own business. So tonight I had the dinner above plus some tomato slices and Diet Coke(that was a treat)! Phillip and I planned ahead on what we were going to order main dish and sides. That made it easier to not look at the menu and be tempted by high point foods. It worked out great. I left full and pleased that it tasted so good.

So here are my food rules:

1. 
   
   Eat meals at the table.



2. 
   
   Try to be in bed by mid-night Sunday-Thurday



3. 
   
   No trigger foods after 7pm



4. 
   
   Don't let other give me a reason to eat or an excuse.

Wii Just Dance 3!!!!

Since we did not make it to the gym today we decided to get our movement in with some fun. We rent to REDBOX and rented this wii game(Just Dance 3) for cheap. We had so much fun for 40 mintues rocking it out. And even more fun laughing at ourselves trying to keep up. I never knew excersie could be so much fun.

10 pound of potatoes!!!! and friends

Today was my day to weigh in at weight watchers, total weight loss to date is 10 pounds!!!!!!! I think of it like this when I pick up a bag of potato's they are pretty heavy. So I have lost a ten pound bag of potatoes:)

I am really sore today and when I was stretching I heard something in my back crunch(OUCH!) Now a spot on my back really hurts when I turn my head and my right side of my body. I am still planning on going to the gym tomorrow even if it still hurts. So resting today some and back at it tomorrow! I know I may have to adjust my work out a little because of this pulled muscle. In the past I would just quit, easy that way and I do have a great reason BUT I WILL NOT QUIT! I am worth all this work.

I am so blessed with friends and family who are supporting me in this life style change. I never realized this before. I knew a handful before but almost everyone I share my story with is so nice to me. I would always try to hide before and there was always a reason for eating and not excising. I have Fybro Myalgia and there is a lot of pain everyday. Guess what? I still have pain whether I exercise or not! It is so funny how my mind works to try and trick me. Oh just one will not hurt you, you have done well today go ahead. Then at the end of the entire box of say "Little Debbies" one has turned into 10! Now, I see I am worth not eating one because I see I can not handle this food addiction.

Yes, my name is Jeannie and I am addicted to food. I am working on it!

Tonights dinner was awesome! Chicken Stir-Fry with broccoli slaw veggies and rice. It was easy and quick to make. We used quick rice and we were ready to eat in 15 minutes.

A last note for the day: I had to buy hair ties, ugh. I am wondering how people sleep with long hair, I keep pulling mine when I turn over at night then I wake up. hahahaha This is so new for me.

1st day at BOOT CAMP workout!

Today I was up early and at the YMCA with my friend Lori. I was really scared that I would not be able to do the class but I talked myself into it and got up and went anyways. Guess what I did it!!!!! I made it to the end of the class. I was surprised that I could do it I really could. I really did! I do admit I thought I was going to puke afterwards and I stood in a hot shower when I got home for an extra long time. BUT I DID IT! I will be going every Wed. morning to this Boot Camp class.