Isolation and Transformation

Isolation

I often find myself in self imposed isolation (my comfort zone). When I go out in public I just want to hurry and get it over with. Mostly all I could think about was hiding. I am afraid of what others might say. I.e.… while having dinner out with Phillip one day I just kept thinking I am already fat might as well eat whatever way I want. I am comfortable in my house and in my chair. I like going to the same places and seeing the same people. I am different than I was 10 years ago. I used to love to travel and now I wonder if I need to buy 2 seats to ride home to NC on Amtrack because I am so heavy. I can dress in my PJ’s and no one besides my close friends and family even notice. On the weekends(I struggle the most) I have to make myself leave the house and do something active. It is so much easier to just stay home, rest, clean or watch TV!!!!!! Isolation is confinement to not changing. If I do not keep making lifestyle changes then I will keep being isolated and I see that it can only get worse.

I must change and not be afraid. I have had small children look and point saying “look at that lady so is fat”, “why are you so fat?” While in 7^th grade on the bus ride home a girl had a lighter and tried to set my hair on fire! She said “you are so fat you are not worth the space you take up”. I have often heard from adults “it is so easy to lose weight all you have to do is……”! I have heard lots of hurtful things over the years and 9 out of 10 times it would just make me eat even more. I can NOT understand why others think it is right to bully anyone? I am human I have feelings.

I must shop online for clothes that fit or at expensive large woman’s store. This really sucks!!! And it is really expensive. I dream of the day I can shop at a thrift store and they have clothes my size. No more isolation shoppingJ

Transformation

My eating habits have transformed the most over the last few months. We went from eating out fast food at least once a day off the dollar menu of course. Now I am planning dinners and buying fruits and vegetables. My old go to foods were: Little Debbies, Cake, Cookies, Candy and Brownies. My new go to foods are: Blackberries, Bananas, Cucumbers, and boiled eggs!

BOOT CAMP WORK OUT in the AM wish me luck!