Looking forward to 2012

I am so ready to say goodbye to 2011!!!!! So long, goodbye, and adios. This past year has been so long I am just going to count some of my blessings.

• We were blessed by living here in this house and not having to move in 2011.
• Phillip was even able to work part of this year.
• My brother moved closer.
• We enjoyed Thanksgiving here in our home.
• Christmas we were all together at my sisters. Mom, Dad, Me and Phillip, Liz and her kids(Austin and Ainsley), James and Holly and Trip, and even Granny Sain.
• I was blessed to continue with Ty and Addie.
• I started this weight loss journey and I began to find my self.
• My mom tests were negative for cancer.
• I enjoyed time with friends.
• I found out I can do more than I thought I could at the gym.
• I fell more in love with my husband Phillip.
• I learned that I am still important to God even if I can't have children. Not having children does not make me any less a daughter of God. It also does not make me childless. I have many children in my life who love me and they are such blessings to me. I am thankful for my family and friends who let me share their blessings with me.

Bicycle Hunt

Ok!!!! I give up. Why does a bike for someone my size have to cost so dang much?? I want to get a cute bike that is comfortable enough I can ride it more than 5 minutes. It also needs to be able to hold my weight of around 340. And because of the hills we have around here I am guessing I need at least a 3 gear bike. I want to be able to ride a bike down the street to the store and back. I also hear it is fun to ride for exercise. I fear by the time I can afford one it will be summer again and it will be too hot to ride. I have been looking with not much luck. So I am putting this out there, any ideas? I think the adult trikes are pretty cool too! I found this one: http://bicyclesouth.com/product/12raleigh-womens-detour-2.5-154365-1.htm

It is cheap to get fat and expensive to get fit!!!!!

Current length of my hair!

This is the longest my hair has been in a very long time. I read on
average your hair grows half an inch a month. We will see how long it
is at 100 pounds lost! It takes forever to dry at this length.

Christmas, Death, and an ER visit!!

Phillip and I took an Amtrak Train home to NC for Christmas weekend. Phillip loves trains and now so do I! There was so much room in our seats and they even have leg rests. I was so good on the train with my eating I had a sandwich and an apple. I was smart I planned what I wanted and sent Phillip so I would not be tempted by the cookies, cake, and chips. I have a great sister who waited for us at the train station till after midnight to give a ride to mom's house.

How did I do? I did it!!!!! I planned it out I knew what foods I wanted and how many Weight Watchers points it would cost me. I ate everything I wanted but just not as much as I would before. So instead of 6 deviled eggs I ate 2. I am learning I am only person who is going to stop me from my addiction with food. I have also learned that I must track all the food I eat, always. This is not an option for me. When I am not accountable I loose control BIG TIME. I am sorry if those people around do not understand. Being addicted to food has one thing different from smoking, drinking, and drugs. With those you can go without completely but with food I still have to eat! Everyday I have to decided not to give into my addiction yet still eat. I am sure I will fail some days but I will not give up. So if I offend you because I am tracking my points or I say no thank you to some yummy food I know you have fixed in love, I am truly sorry.

And with all major events happening on holidays in our life together Christmas Eve brought us some sad news. Phillip's aunt passed away. We were at a candlelight church service when he got the call. We are very sad and uncertain of our future. We have been so blessed for almost 2 years of having a home to live in. We had to do a lot of work to make it even livable but we labored in love. We are heartbroken we will have to leave this home we have fallen in love with. We do know if it is God's will he will provide for us.

Today I had to go to the ER. I was there all morning and afternoon. They gave me some medicine and I have to follow up with Gynecological doctor in about a month and then schedule a biopsy. Thinking about Dr.'s I am prayerful for my mother today as tomorrow she will find out the results of her last test we pray they negative for cancer.

***UPDATE*** Mom's test results turned out great. Negative for cancer!!!!!!!!!!!

Last week I gained 4 pounds, this week I will NOT gain. With all this going on it would be easier just to throw in the towel, quit, and eat everything. I am choosing to log my points and be in control of what I eat. I can not control the future but I can control my food. I know my strength comes from Jesus Christ and He knows my pain and He knows me.

***UPDATE***Weighed in and lost a total of 6 pounds this week!!!!!!!

Time to dust off and try again! Tomorrow is a new day:)

Big bad blown it day! The dirty truth.

Ok the day started out ok. My two boiled eggs and cheese stick for breakfast. I forgot to pack a lunch for today and ended up at Chick-fil-a, I got a 7point grilled chicken sandwich (not so bad) I passed on the fries and also got diet lemonade. So it happened around 2, Nuttter butter cookies, I counted the points 7! Ok, it was all downhill from there. I could not get full. I got home and had a 6 inch 8 point sub from subway and baked chips still fighting feeling hungry. I wrapped a few presents and fell asleep. An hour and half passed away. When I woke up the binge started. Weight watchers pop chips, an egg, weight watchers candy bar, 2 pudding cups and like half a pound cake!!!!!! I have been craving protein at night before bed all week and tonight it was carbs.

Lesson when I forget to plan, I plan to fail!!!!

I forgot to plan my day! I did not plan our meals for the week’s dinners. I thought because we were going out of town and I had been doing so good we would just wing things this week. Yeah that did not work so well. I am missing my frozen grapes, fresh blackberries, and bananas.

No excuses, this time!

I can sit here and come up with at least ten reasons why my eating actions are excusable but they would ALL be lies. Lies to myself. I will prepare myself for a weight gain tomorrow and take reasonability for my crime against my body.

Nails, Shoes and Music

Weigh in~ this week I lost 2.2 pounds!!!!!!! This week I had to come home hold 1 pound of butter and one pound of ham so I could see and feel what an accomplishment it truly was. My reward was getting my nails done. They are blue. Showing my support for https://www.facebook.com/BlueHeelSociety.

Shoes~ I also needed some gym shoes that did not make my feet hurt so much. After 2 hours in the store the one pair that felt the best just happened to have blue heels!!!!! I was so excited. I am not one for socks and shoes I am a true Croc's girl, 100% so I am having to get used to wearing socks and shoes again. Really socks and shoes and long hair, ugh. I am so doing more exercise this next week! I can no longer say I have bad shoes.

Tonight~ my wonderful husband took me on a great date night to a lovely Christmas program. They had 4 Grand Pianos and they were being played together. The choir sounded beautiful. I really enjoyed it. I can say I am blessed living in the south and especially here in Atlanta there are so many marvelous Christians celebrating the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. It is not about the presents and food. Tonight I was reminded again of this fact. It is about the birth. I had a perfect night with Phillip.

Isolation and Transformation

Isolation

I often find myself in self imposed isolation (my comfort zone). When I go out in public I just want to hurry and get it over with. Mostly all I could think about was hiding. I am afraid of what others might say. I.e.… while having dinner out with Phillip one day I just kept thinking I am already fat might as well eat whatever way I want. I am comfortable in my house and in my chair. I like going to the same places and seeing the same people. I am different than I was 10 years ago. I used to love to travel and now I wonder if I need to buy 2 seats to ride home to NC on Amtrack because I am so heavy. I can dress in my PJ’s and no one besides my close friends and family even notice. On the weekends(I struggle the most) I have to make myself leave the house and do something active. It is so much easier to just stay home, rest, clean or watch TV!!!!!! Isolation is confinement to not changing. If I do not keep making lifestyle changes then I will keep being isolated and I see that it can only get worse.

I must change and not be afraid. I have had small children look and point saying “look at that lady so is fat”, “why are you so fat?” While in 7^th grade on the bus ride home a girl had a lighter and tried to set my hair on fire! She said “you are so fat you are not worth the space you take up”. I have often heard from adults “it is so easy to lose weight all you have to do is……”! I have heard lots of hurtful things over the years and 9 out of 10 times it would just make me eat even more. I can NOT understand why others think it is right to bully anyone? I am human I have feelings.

I must shop online for clothes that fit or at expensive large woman’s store. This really sucks!!! And it is really expensive. I dream of the day I can shop at a thrift store and they have clothes my size. No more isolation shoppingJ

Transformation

My eating habits have transformed the most over the last few months. We went from eating out fast food at least once a day off the dollar menu of course. Now I am planning dinners and buying fruits and vegetables. My old go to foods were: Little Debbies, Cake, Cookies, Candy and Brownies. My new go to foods are: Blackberries, Bananas, Cucumbers, and boiled eggs!

BOOT CAMP WORK OUT in the AM wish me luck!

The Drive Thru Nativity

I love this every year. It just reminds of the true reason we celebrate Christmas. At the end they have this quote. Christ is not in the manger today, He is not on the cross today, He is not in the tomb today, He lives!

I know He loves me and He gives me strength to overcome my food addiction. One day at a time I am learning to depend on Christ. In my 12 step program I am coming closer to Him.

A new reward system;)

I am learning how to reward myself without food?!?!

Trust me when I say this, a reward without food, really, it can't be done! I did it, it CAN BE DONE. I found one reward in the candle. With my Asthma I have a had trouble finding scented candles that don't take my breath away. This weekend I found this one and it was 50% off! I have enjoyed this candle this weekend. With all our Christmas decorations out in our house it was just a wonderful addition.

Love this and it only cost me one point for 2 tablespoons!

This is so tasty and only one WW point! Veggies and dip. This makes eating veggies so worth it!

Date Night!

My delish low points dinner out:)

Phillip and I had such a fun date night! Our waitress rocked it. I never really liked butter anyways so that is not such a big deal me. Our waitress was so wonderful, we asked that she not bring any bread and she said how great it was was we were eating healthy. She said she would double check and make sure they do not put butter in anything. (I often wonder when eating out in public what people think...look at that fat lady why is she even trying...who is she kidding she is just going to go home and eat...she must be a closet eater...) Why do I even care and I am realizing people who think that are not very nice and most people don't even care what I am eating they are busy minding their own business. So tonight I had the dinner above plus some tomato slices and Diet Coke(that was a treat)! Phillip and I planned ahead on what we were going to order main dish and sides. That made it easier to not look at the menu and be tempted by high point foods. It worked out great. I left full and pleased that it tasted so good.

So here are my food rules:

1. 
   
   Eat meals at the table.



2. 
   
   Try to be in bed by mid-night Sunday-Thurday



3. 
   
   No trigger foods after 7pm



4. 
   
   Don't let other give me a reason to eat or an excuse.

Wii Just Dance 3!!!!

Since we did not make it to the gym today we decided to get our movement in with some fun. We rent to REDBOX and rented this wii game(Just Dance 3) for cheap. We had so much fun for 40 mintues rocking it out. And even more fun laughing at ourselves trying to keep up. I never knew excersie could be so much fun.

10 pound of potatoes!!!! and friends

Today was my day to weigh in at weight watchers, total weight loss to date is 10 pounds!!!!!!! I think of it like this when I pick up a bag of potato's they are pretty heavy. So I have lost a ten pound bag of potatoes:)

I am really sore today and when I was stretching I heard something in my back crunch(OUCH!) Now a spot on my back really hurts when I turn my head and my right side of my body. I am still planning on going to the gym tomorrow even if it still hurts. So resting today some and back at it tomorrow! I know I may have to adjust my work out a little because of this pulled muscle. In the past I would just quit, easy that way and I do have a great reason BUT I WILL NOT QUIT! I am worth all this work.

I am so blessed with friends and family who are supporting me in this life style change. I never realized this before. I knew a handful before but almost everyone I share my story with is so nice to me. I would always try to hide before and there was always a reason for eating and not excising. I have Fybro Myalgia and there is a lot of pain everyday. Guess what? I still have pain whether I exercise or not! It is so funny how my mind works to try and trick me. Oh just one will not hurt you, you have done well today go ahead. Then at the end of the entire box of say "Little Debbies" one has turned into 10! Now, I see I am worth not eating one because I see I can not handle this food addiction.

Yes, my name is Jeannie and I am addicted to food. I am working on it!

Tonights dinner was awesome! Chicken Stir-Fry with broccoli slaw veggies and rice. It was easy and quick to make. We used quick rice and we were ready to eat in 15 minutes.

A last note for the day: I had to buy hair ties, ugh. I am wondering how people sleep with long hair, I keep pulling mine when I turn over at night then I wake up. hahahaha This is so new for me.

1st day at BOOT CAMP workout!

Today I was up early and at the YMCA with my friend Lori. I was really scared that I would not be able to do the class but I talked myself into it and got up and went anyways. Guess what I did it!!!!! I made it to the end of the class. I was surprised that I could do it I really could. I really did! I do admit I thought I was going to puke afterwards and I stood in a hot shower when I got home for an extra long time. BUT I DID IT! I will be going every Wed. morning to this Boot Camp class.